Work this week seemed to sap my energy. Partially because my boss was out. Partially because I started the week being off my usual schedule. Working full time is cutting into my quilting. I am beginning to wonder if I am every going to put a dent into my projects. I have come to the realization that as I get older I just don't have the drive that I used to. I get tired way to easy. Part of that is me not taking care of myself like I should.
I had made the decision about 6 months ago that I would work towards making my dream of opening a quilt shop my career choice. I knew that I would have to continue my current job to pay off some debts first but my focus would not be work. I would work my 8 hours and go home. I had found work to be a rather hostile environment. I knew that as long as I focused my energy on that job, I would face constant set backs and disappointments. This helped release a lot of stress for me. I would hear the gossip about me and take the attitude that if the upper management believed it than it was their problem. I would do my job and if they didn't like it they could fire me. I would still do things to put me in a better position financially but I would no longer treat my job as a career.
One of the Epiphanies I had this week is simply that work isn't going to let me just come in and work 8 hours. I am not going to be able to just "do my job." I have been given a project at work to head up and am also sitting on a corporate committee to make similar projects happen corporate wide. I did not seek these out. They were handed to me. I see that I am being groomed to take my boss's place should anything happen to him. Which would be awesome if I weren't 15 years older than him and more than likely I will reach retirement before he goes anywhere. I am not being given the freedom to just do my job and leave after 8 hours. But I am also not being given compensation to do the extra work either. Which would be fine if I were working on my career. But since my career is build into a quilt shop, this has me a little down and more than a little frustrated.
Another Epiphany was that I am getting very territorial. I love having a space where I can leave my tools and such out. I just stop where I am at and then I can just pick right where I left off. I don't need to set up my studio every time I want to do something. I love my grandchildren. Emerson is 18 months old. He is all boy and all go. He loves all the cool things in my studio. I told my husband that we may have to figure out how to put doors on the studio. This would not be an easy feat since the whole house is open concept. We thought about gates but well Emerson would just see them as a challenge. He would find a way to use them to his advantage. I don't want my stuff messed with, but I still want my grandchildren to come over. Can't have both the way things are set up right now.
I have been busy squaring up the blocks for the first ribbon dance quilt. There are 336 blocks that need squared up. I have managed to get about 224 blocks squared up. If I weren't on a deadline, baby coming in June, I would probably have set it aside and started something else. But I am persevering. I want to get this one and another one done by Christmas at the latest. It's not that I am bored with it, I just only have so much time and so many projects to get done. Another Epiphany was that I am accumulating more projects and losing sight of the ones I have planned. I need to step back and focus on what I have materials for and just do those.
The last Epiphany was that I am a scaredy cat. I have not finished quilting the Christmas Lemonade quilt because I am scared to do it. I have started tracing the stars on and just need to switch to the open toe foot. Millie is just waiting for me to start using her. I always seem to find an excuse not to do it. I am going to have to set a dead line. I need to get this quilt finished and off the machine before I have the first ribbon dance quilt ready to go on. Of course as along as it is taking me to get the blocks squared up I will have plenty of time.
So, Three not so pleasant epiphanies this week. Of course, I will just have to find a way to use these realizations to move forward. Not sure how to yet but that is just part of living. Figuring out how to be better.
Any Epiphanies in your world this week?
No comments:
Post a Comment