Lost/Wasted Five Months

Here it is May 5th 2019 already.  I don't know where the time has gone to. I do know it has not been well spent by me. This will only be my 3rd blog in all of 2019. The reason being that I haven't done anything in the way of quilting or even sewing.  If I am not creating something then I have nothing to write about. So what has happened?

It all started back in January.  I went back to work after a glorious 3 week vacation. While on vacation I didn't use my inhaler once.  Half way through my first shift back, I started wheezing and had to use it.  Basically for the next two and half months I was in an asthma flare.  Which meant I had no energy for anything. I went to work then came home and collapsed.  No sewing, studying, nothing.  I'd watch TV and hole up in my room.  Or I would read romance novels.  The thing with reading is I am a compulsive reader.  As in I have trouble stopping especially if it is a series that lets me escape reality. After the Flare had ended, the studio was a mess and didn't have the energy to get it cleaned up.  I think looking back I have been rather depressed as well. That may have been why I was escaping into the books.

Now I am trying to decide what it is I really want. Okay I know what I want, I want a self cleaning house. I want to be able to stay home and still bring in a paycheck. I want to be able spend the money and time I need to learn how to be a better quilter and seamstress.  I want to go back to school and get a degree in family and consumer sciences.  I want to be able to drop what I am doing and fly off to see my children and grand children. I want to do the Bali Batiks excursion.  I want to have enough money to spend on stuff when I travel.  I want to lose weight without making the effort.

Most of these are fantasies. Or far flung wishes.  I have a foot in dreamland and another in reality.  Sometimes being an adult in the real world sucks.  Thomas S Monson, a late president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, once said that "Work will win when wishy-washy wishing won't"  I don't want to put in the hard work. I want it to come easily. But I know better and it is time to get off my behind and do better.

Starting with What I really want that is realistic. 

I could go back to school but I don't have anyway to pay for it and going into debt for it is not practical at age 56.  So that isn't going to happen at least not at this time.

The self cleaning house will never happen.  It is time for the buck to stop here.  Which means I can't expect my children to work full time and clean up after themselves and still wait on me hand and foot. I need to be picking up after myself and helping with the cooking and cleaning and the animals.  This will mean adjusting my schedule and habits.  It will take some time and some sacrifice.

Spending the money and time to be a better quilter and seamstress.  Money is not ever going to be plentiful.  I will have to learn this stuff on my own. Starting with studying the Quilt Path manual.  Plus there are lots of tutorials on line. I can learn to do it. One thing I am sure of I can learn to do about anything.

Staying home and bringing in a paycheck is not going to happen.  At least not in a way I am willing to go. Which is disability and/or workman's comp.  This past month we had a man at work lose a hand on the job.  His life has been forever altered. He can no longer function in the career he has worked in most of his life. I am thankful that I am basically healthy and have a job that I like.

Flying off to see my children at a moments notice isn't practical but with the amount of traveling my husband does for work, I have been able to do a little bit of visiting.  That will just have to be enough.

The Bali Batik's excursion will require careful saving. I don't mean saving just for the cost of the excursion itself, but also for spending money along the way.  The trip may no longer be available by the time I have it but that is the only way I can do it.  I need to get out of debt before I retire so that means saving and cost cutting.

So what does that mean for Quilting?

1. Put in the time - I need to start putting in the time to improve my skills. reading practicing, learning.
2. Curtail impulse spending - Instead of building the stash I need to use what I have. Not the least of which is use the kits I've bought. Buying supplies for projects should come after checking out what I have that I can use. Elephants two for a Quarter is only a bargain if you have a quarter and need the elephants
3. Cut out the useless -  that means make better use of my time. Watch less TV and read better books, etc. It also means getting rid of the things I don't use and that don't bring me joy.  I sometimes feel as if I am drowning in my possessions.
4. Clean up after myself - a clean house will help keep my mind at ease to create. I won't feel guilty about sewing when company may show up.
5. De-clutter the house - by cleaning up and inventorying what I have I can better save money and not have things going to waste. 

None of these is going to be accomplished overnight.  It is going to be a long habit breaking and habit forming process but I am going to work on it.

Next Week: The Disaster that is my studio.